I hope when I die I get to see a massive scoreboard
showing every one of my accomplishments quantitatively. And I mean every one of them:
- How long I lived, in seconds
- How many times I blinked
- How much money I spent in total
- How many meatball subs I ate, in feet
- How many dogs I pet
- What shirt I wore the most
- How many papercuts I got
- How many lies I told
- How much distance I traveled by bicycle
- How loud was my loudest scream
- What song did I hear the most times
- How many times I said the word “Tuesday”
Just literally, everything. And then of course you can post your results to Facebook and compare with your friends because that’s how the afterlife works, right?
