Why do French tanks have rearview mirrors?
In order to watch the front.
Why do mexicans put there names on their car?
So they make sure not to steal them.
A Swiss, a Russian, a Slovene and a Serb are on a plane, when suddently one of two engines explodes. The pilot asks the passengers to get rid of any excess weight, or the plane would crash.
They open the rear hatch and the Swiss pushes off his crate of gold, saying “We have enough gold in Switzerland anyway.” Next the Russian pushes off his crate of vodka, saying “We have enough vodka in Russia anyway.” Next the Slovene pushes the Serb off the plane and says “We have enough Serbs in Slovenia anyway.”
“Two Martinis, bitte.”
“Nein, I said TWO!”
The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, “Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world.” The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand “Please”. The Italians did not know the word “honest”. The Chinese did not know what an “opinion” was. The Europeans did not know “lack”, while the Africans did not know “food”. Finally, the Americans didn’t know anything about the “rest of the world”.
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
Merkel at passport control in Poland. “Nationality?” asks the officer. “German” she replied. “Occupation?” “No, just for a few days here”.
Merkel, Putin and Obama are standing at the coast together and talking about their navys.
Putin says: “We have submarines that are able to stay under water constant for 2 weeks!”
Obama says: “That’s nothing, we have submarines that are able to submerged for 2 months!”
Merkel is humilated and remains silent until suddenly a submarine emerges right in front of them.
The door opens and a old man looks out shouting “Heil Hitler! We need Diesel!”
So President Bush met with the commanders of the invasion of Iraq for his daily update on the situation. One of the generals says: “Also, Mr. President, we’ve lost three Brazilian soldiers today”
George is shocked, he begins to shake and tears escape from his eyes. “Oh my God!” He says, “that’s terrible! That’s absolutely frightening! I have to inform the nation immediately!”
So George gets out a piece of paper and begins writing out the speech he’s going to address to the nation, but he quickly stops, looks up, and asks: “Wait a minute, can anyone tell me just how many zeroes there are in a Brazilian?”
I feel bad about liking some of these.